9 Habits of Resilient People (No. 3)

This is the third in a series on the characteristics of resilient people.

The third habit is: Resilient people exercise mind control.

The opposite way of saying this is that people who get stressed, anxious and depressed are not in control of their minds. Rather, their minds control them. Their heads are filled with a constant stream of thoughts which dictate their feelings, behaviour and activities – even their brain chemistry.

To use an old cliche about fire: the mind is a good servant but a bad master. The secret to making your mind work for you is to be selective abut which thoughts you pay attention to. Because thoughts are not real; they are only versions of reality, like paintings are. Some are stupid, shoddy and ugly; others are clever, inspired and life enhancing. You should only be looking at the latter sort.

Thought deselection is crucial when you are in a crisis and you require a resilient mind-set. The last thing you need is to listen to worries, panicky judgments, self-pity and defeatism. If you look at what resilient people do in a real emergency then it is something much more focused:

  • They stay in the moment working on one problem at a time, one step at a time
  • They ignore things they cannot do anything about and focus on what they can influence
  • They focus on what is rather than on what might be
  • They make realistic plans and decisions based on the facts
  • They address concerns rather than worries
  • They seek good advice wherever they can find it and turn it into a plan
  • They persuade others to work for the common good

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