Most approaches to anger management are fatally flawed through seeing anger as bad and something to be controlled and avoided. People with ‘anger management issues’ may be referred on to psychobabble specialists like Dr Buddy Rydell as played in the film Anger Management who treat anger as a mental health disorder rather than as a potentially healthy response to poor behaviour on the part of others.
The study of emotional intelligence suggests a different view.
Anger is good:
- It brings issues out into the open
- It gets you taken seriously
- It corrects poor behaviour
- It initiates change in others
- It fights injustice (think Martin Luther King)
- It protects you from manipulators
- It urges you to leave abusive relationships
- It forces you to define yourself and what you want
- It helps you towards self-respect
- It maintains boundaries between you and others
Rage is bad….
Trauma, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a condition in which a person goes through a terrible experience (as we see in war veterans) and is then plagued by memory ‘flashbacks’, anxiety, panic, depression, sleeplessness and hyper-vigilance.
Here are the most common myths about Trauma:
- You never really get over it
- The trauma is stored in the Unconscious mind
- The problem needs long term therapy
- Treatment involves working through so-called ‘irrational’ emotions
- The cure arrives when the individual learns to control those ‘irrational’ emotions with the ‘rational mind’.
- The majority of people exposed to awful events do not develop trauma and many people with PTSD do recover
- There is no such thing as the ‘Unconscious Mind’
- EMDR therapy is extremely quick
- Successful treatment means getting rid of irrational ideas and reactions, not emotions
And here are some more facts:
- It’s fairly uncommon – only about 20% of people who go through a traumatic event actually develop a Traumatic reaction.
- Some types of therapy can make the problem worse rather than better if they focus on reliving the trauma
- It is not caused by out of control emotions
- It is caused by the over-attentive conscious mind
- Tt is relatively straightforward to eliminate traumatic memories and the symptoms that come with them
- Traumatic problems are best treated with EMDR.
Myth 1. Anxiety is natural
Anxiety might be common but it isn’t natural. The fact that anxiety rates in present-day Africa and Asia are far lower than in the West points to this as does the fact that it is almost non-existent in so-called ‘primitive’ cultures. It is arousal that is natural and anxiety is largely exaggerated (and malignant) arousal. Anxiety disorders are created when thinking centres in the brain are allowed too much time to dwell on worry, perfectionism, guilt and other wrong thinking habits.
This post follows on from my earlier article Why Stress Does Not Exist.
It was Hans Selye who first coined the word ‘Stress’ in relation to non-specific illnesses. Contrary to popular myth, Selye did not say that ‘Stress’ caused illness. What he meant was that if the individual fails to adapt to adverse Life Events then a breakdown in body functions could occur. Examples of ‘bad’ life events include job loss, relationship breakdown, financial disaster, overwork and illness.
Mindfulness as a word can be misleading as it does not mean a mind which is filled with thoughts. Instead it refers to present-moment awareness. It is a state in which you are focused on what is happening to you in the now. The focus could be on external events such as sights and sounds, or on your sensations and feelings. In fact most forms of meditation, including Transcendental Meditation (TM) are types of Mindfulness. Mindfulness can also be achieved through Yoga, Tai Chi, Qi Gong and the like. Recorded tapes are the most common aid to the practice of Mindfulness.
Here are seven key words and phrases associated with Mindfulness:
After Siddhartha Gautama was enlightened he became the Buddha. Before that time he had been first a great prince and then, after his renunciation, a wandering monk. His aim was to uncover the secret of suffering and find enlightenment. He tried several teachers, starved himself close to death, practised self-torture and meditation, but none of these worked. In despair he decided to sit under a Bo tree, not leaving until he had found either enlightenment or death. Four weeks later it came to him in the night. He ‘saw’ into the ultimate nature of reality: that it was without names, time or permanence. He realised that he was it and it he.
A few weeks after that he gave his first sermon in the Deer Park at Sarnath to five disciples. He told them that he had discovered that everything that arises is subject to cessation, including suffering. The path to enlightenment lay in the Four Noble Truths:
1. Know that there is dukkha
2. Understand the origin of dukkha in attachment
3. Let go of attachment and dukkha
4. Follow the Eight-fold path
When I graduated as a psychotherapist in 1990 I had been taught a lot of things that were never any use in therapy – watching out for ‘transference issues’ was one of them. I had also not been taught a lot of things that I really needed to know but only found out later. So like most therapists I had to make it up as I went along. But now I have been doing it for 23 years I have learnt a few things I am going to share with you.
Here is my list of seven things that really do work.